From Detox to Food Addiction

What do you think of when you think of food? Do you think of your “comfort food”, do you think of fast food, do you think of it as fuel for your body or do you see a sea of fruits and veggies? I have had a lot of different visions of food in my life but recently the way I viewed food was more about what to avoid to not make me sick. My last blog I told you all that I was attempting an elimination diet to remedy this situation, well let me update you on that process!

I started my elimination diet with this menu: chicken or turkey, avocado, broccoli and water for 6 days to “reset” my body. Day 1, Sunday, was my first day in years that I didn't have coffee and that detox coupled with eating the same foods over and over (that I don't particularly care for) made me a horrible, mean, lethargic person. I sat on the couch all day and whined and complained and was down right pathetic.

Day 2 proved to be just as bad for me because, well, if I don’t want to do something, I don’t do it. I’m what you might call “stubborn” or in Texas, “bull headed”. I had to want this to make it work and I was finding that immensely difficult. By 2:00 that day I had given up and just went back to bed, it was better for me emotionally and mentally and for the sake of my marriage. I woke up feeling much better but upon the realization that I still had to eat the same meal, my mood soured.

I had been keeping a log of my mood on a scale of 1-10, day 1 was a “1” on the mood scale, day 2 was a “3” and day 3 I felt more human and gave it a “5”, although I think I was being generous. It only took me 3 days to quit. I emailed my box owner and told him I wasn’t going to make it 6 days, that I was miserable and mean and couldn’t focus on anything. He called me to talk me through it, boost my ego, empathize and to bribe me. He asked me if I could make it just ONE more day, he would let me add in TWO things on day 4. With a heavy heart, I conceded and put away the sweet potatoes I had made.

By day 4 I realized something really scary, I was so hungry, I would go to bed with a grumbling stomach (that isn’t how it should have been I was just too stubborn to eat enough) and dream all night of food. I am so emotionally attached to food, that I dreamt of it! When I woke up on day 5, hungry and excited to eat a sweet potato with a guarantee of coffee 6 hours later, I knew that my issues with food weren’t just about allergies. I mean I was a kid on Christmas morning happy about a sweet potato!

I have a “delicate palate” which means, I can taste and smell everything. My brother and husband will both tell you I have “the nose of a blood hound”. When I cook a meal and I am not happy with how the seasoning turned out, I will throw it out, Chris will eat the whole pot of food. So eating foods that were unpalatable to me (chicken and turkey could only be seasoned with salt and pepper) was a punishment. I was getting the nutritious foods I needed, the FUEL my body needed but I wasn’t ENJOYING It.

Which led to me throwing in the towel on day 6. I hate quitting, or failure or anything closely related to it but I have to admit, I just couldn't do this the way my box owner does it. I emailed him and thanked him for his support and guidance and told him I just couldn’t bare waiting three more days to add in just ONE more food. It wasn’t that I wanted a pizza or a cake or anything unhealthy, I just wanted an apple. Being surrounded by food I couldn’t eat in my own home, in public, at the grocery store was such a mental struggle. Chris tried really hard not to eat around me and to be respectful but it didn’t matter what he ate, I was envious of his food.

I am still eating close to what the detox diet was. I only introduce 1-2 things a day, at least 6 hours apart to make sure there isn’t a reaction but I do it daily instead of the three day wait. I am still based around the chicken, turkey, avocado and broccoli but I have added seasoning to the chicken with no reaction so joyous days are ahead. I never realized how deeply rooted we are with our food. I obviously don't view food as fuel as I thought I did, or I would have been able to do this detox diet the way it was intended.

I was able to rationalize what I wanted, much like an addiction. I could tell myself, it’s just an apple, you deserve an apple, it’s not like you want something bad for you, even though I didn't know how my body would actually react to that apple. My mood was so severely altered I couldn’t control my hostility, my brain was so foggy and clouded that I couldn’t study, my thoughts constantly returned to food and coffee so often I could think of nothing else. More so than learning about my reactions to food, I learned about how much food controls me and I am sad to say, food won.

#detoxtoaddiction