ONLY not OLY

I had a profound realization the other day after I finished a WOD. I had gone in to our box so sure I could RX the Metcon, but when push came to shove, I still had to scale because it’s always form over weight. Although I did what was best for me, I was still discouraged and when the ladies of the class asked me how I did, I told them I ONLY did 55# on my snatches. ONLY. When did the word “only” become a negative connotation for myself?

As I was growing up my mom and I would go shopping each Saturday morning for groceries. We lived 15 miles from the nearest store and 12 miles from town, so this was quite an outing from my some what country upbringing. My reward for being a well behaved child was that I could ONLY have 1 thing that wasn’t on the list, my choice. If I choose pop tarts or a candy bar, it didn't matter but I had the privilege of making that one decision.

Later in life, as I was learning what being an adult was all about, I learned that I could ONLY afford $50.00 in groceries each week. I learned to budget myself and the word only went from being a privilege or reward, to a responsibility. I saw plenty of my friends going out and spending money they didn't have, running up credit card bills and not making rent. I held myself to my principles and by the time I was 30 held a fabulous credit score. Trust me this matters when you want to buy a house or car!

When I was in my late 20’s and searching for a way to loose weight, I started restricting my calories greatly. I ONLY allowed myself to have 1300 calories a day on a high cardio work out routine. I am so stubborn and driven, that when I want something, I will do what ever it takes to make it happen. To be honest with you, that level of restriction actually mimics the tell tale signs of an eating disorder, not discipline. I turned my “only” into something negative, something that evoked a deep feeling of despair and hunger.

Then I started Crossfit and I learned that my idea of ONLY was not just mine alone. You see, when you are in a box surrounded by this smorgasbord of athletes, it’s hard to gauge your accomplishments. I have heard plenty of my fellow athletes say, I “only” did 65# today or I “only” got 3 rounds of that AMRAP. I don’t know why I didn’t hear it before yesterday and I don’t know why I down play my accomplishments and focus on my restrictions. I don’t know why the other ladies in my box say it, but I know I want to change that about myself and I want to be encouraging of those who say it to me.

Those snatches that were “only” 55#, I did 24 of them while mixing in rowing and front rack lunges and every single one came from the ground, not the hang. Lunges are by far my weakest movement and snatches are relatively new to our conditioning. This was the first WOD I have done power snatches in and I did 24 of those bad boys! I threw 55# over my head, with a very complex movement, 24 times. ONLY does not belong in that accomplishment anywhere.

The word ONLY is actually referencing a single thing, it’s another way to say one or singular. It is when we apply it to ourselves that we change the meaning of it. I know that when I walk into my box each day, I give 100% to every movement programmed for me, there is no ONLY involved in that scenario. I feel I have made this word into another way to talk negatively about myself and I am going to work very hard to remedy this from my lingo. I challenge you to do the same.

Image courtsey of Pinterest

#only