Confessions of the girl who is always last

Okay, I am not always last just like, 98% of the time. I am last in my class during any METCON training and I am almost always last in the entire box. Obviously, aerobic endurance isn’t my game. Strength training I do okay, some days better than others and I’m usually not last there. Whew. At least I have something, right?

You’d think that but when you spend most of your time at the bottom of the Whiteboard, it can get to you. Holiday WOD’s or Team weekend WOD’s make me feel like a real loser so I tend to shy away from them. It has come to my attention that being last in my normal class time is something I’ve accepted, being last in front of the vast majority of my box, I haven’t.

During The Open I might have been last but I was a bit consumed in the overwhelming suck (pictured below) that I didn’t notice. I was second to last in my first CrossFit competition, which really got under my skin. The thing about being last is that, I push myself to my absolute limit and still find myself bringing up the rear. I know there are people that don’t give 100% and still beat me.

I know, I know, you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, blah, blah but let’s be real, it happens. I also have days where I’m sick and f-ing tired of being last or I feel like, who cares what weight I do or how hard I push, I’m still going to be last. We all have pity parties, it’s what separates us from those on the couch.

Even though I probably suck at CrossFit, I still like it and some days I absolutely love it. Marking DNF (did not finish) on the whiteboard stinks, marking the last time in the whole box doesn’t feel great, not being able to RX any freaking work out blows but knowing that I did the best I can do makes it worthwhile.

So my 100% doesn’t mean I am better than the 100 other women I competed against or the other 100 women in our box but I am better than the other 100 women who don’t try. I am better than I was a year and a half ago, I am better than I was yesterday, even if I am last forever, I am still giving 100% to be a better me.